(no subject)

[i_kender]

Firstly, apologies to all of you who’ve been expecting me to write before now. I was, um... thinking. And taking stock, and getting organised, and trying to sort out my house, and so on. Sorry about that, but I’m here now. And babbling at you regularly, aren’t you all lucky. So lots of general posts, catching up really, before I can tell you exciting things like what I thought of Hellboy, or why you should read George R R Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series if you’re at all into fantasy...

 

I am tired. Haven't been sleeping that well for weeks really... can't get to sleep early enough, waking up way too early and waking up frequently during the night, lying in bed listening to the stillness and wondering whether mice tiptoeing woke me up, or if it was a pigeon hiccupping... Plus the weird dreams, which I will delight in regaling you all with some other time.

 

Today's excuse for tiredness is I have a friend staying with me, my dear Naomi. She's attending a conference at LSE (I have friends who attend conferences. Meep!) and so I woke up at stupid o'clock to see her before she set off today, despite having gone to bed late. Oh, I'm not complaining (much)... I like being tired, I think it makes me sharper. And I'd much rather undersleep than oversleep, if you know what I mean. But it is a little odd seeing that hour of the morning from this side, when I'm used to seeing it from the other side. Ho hum. Walking her to the bus stop, few people on the road but many birds. And little puffs of breath when we spoke, which I've always loved. Then the Saturday Guardian, which I swear is getting bigger. Naomi and I agreed it takes all week to read now.

 

Have a soiree planned for this evening... as Naomi is here, Rob spintrian of course wants to see her and vice versa. His friend Vicky will come too, as she's just back from a month in Spain and lives just round the corner from me. Rob tells me she's brought back lots of vodka. "Yep, she can come" I replied instantly. So predictable...

 

Food? Hmm, not sure. Plenty of booze though. Wonder if the Brazilians will be in? Sophie will not. She's taken her French pixie act to Brighton for the weekend. Strange... I don't really miss Brighton at all. I thought I would, but it's people you miss. And most of the people who made Brighton important to me have moved away. Saying goodbye to Selena was tough...I said goodbye to Selena before I left, of course, because I don't know when I'll visit again. I went up to her grave one afternoon at the beginning of August and spent a few hours there. It was still hot and sunny, and it took ages to walk up to where she is. But once I was there it was quiet, far removed from even distant traffic noise. Bees and wildflowers, languid sunshine, rich green grass. I talked to her for ages, remembering things that made me smile, catching her up on how things were going. I told her how irritating and inconvenient her dying was (...nyeh) and yes, I cried. But it felt good being there... I told her my plans, how I was moving to London and trying hard to make something of my life. How I would try not to waste time anymore, would Hurry Up and Make It. How she'd taught me that...  With the return of my composure came a measure of peace, so I said I loved her and that I’d be back sometime but I didn’t know when, and said goodbye, and walked away.   Compared to that, leaving Brighton was easy.

 

London is still proving a hard nut to crack. I haven't managed to get a job yet. I find it hard to try, because this year had been so unremittingly awful that I'm still piecing myself together. But we shall see. Wish me luck, and if anyone knows of any exciting job opportunities in London, let me know, kay?

 

Ok... longer, more reflective post than I was expecting. But as I said, I’m playing catchup. More anon