My Subconscious is a Media Whore (now with added drugs and lesbians)

My brain does funny things sometimes, like coming up with brilliant insights just before I fall asleep or just after I wake up. This morning’s was a doozy, and I thought I’d share. Disclaimer: none of this is true (he said, hoping to avoid a libel suit…) it’s pure crazy speculation dreamed up by my overactive subconscious.

 

Lindsay Lohan. For those of you who don’t care about celeb gossip, she has just got out of rehab and was supposed to swear off alcohol and drugs. In fact she had to wear an alcohol-monitoring bracelet at all times. Yeah – apparently they’re worthless, because in a high-profile gossip-page news story this week, Lilo (urgh!) fell off the wagon in spectacular fashion.

 

Hosting a party at her house with some friends, Lindsay apparently got into an argument with her PA… hold on, I have to look this up… here we go: Tarin Graham. Her PA either quit or was fired – sources differ – and called her Mom to come pick her up. When they drove off, Lohan (who had allegedly been drinking) followed them. The PA’s Mom freaked and called the cops. Fair play. They stopped and arrested Lohan who was found to be 1.5 times over the drink-driving limit and the police are also alleged to have found small quantities of cocaine in the pocket of Lohan’s trousers.

 

The case is obviously still going on, and you’ll probably read all about it over the next few weeks and months… just like you did when Paris “Boo Hoo” Hilton was checking into a different kind of hotel, and when Britney Spears allegedly (cough cough) was acting paranoid, hallucinating and throwing up over herself during a recent interview with OK.

 

Right! So much for the back story. Sorry it took so long. Here’s my genius subconscious’s TV-movie-of-the-week-script worthy interpretation of events! :)

 

Lindsay Lohan has long been dogged by rumours of her sexuality in the press – but of course there’s never been any proof that she likes girls in anything other than the usual “oh look at me dancing with this hot girl, would you to see our Sapphic kissing routine?” media whore way.

 

But! Here’s my crack fic theory:

 

( Lindsay and Tara’s Sekrit Forbidden Lurve! The TV Movie of Teh Week )

 

THE END *roll credits and song by Pink*