I have celerity, get me out of here!

Help! Marooned. Kidnapped. Stuck. I'm in my brother's room. The coast is clear, I have a few precious minutes to myself. The three cats are prowling around amidst the scattered detritus on the floor. It's three am, the house is quiet. My brother's bed lies abandoned with tangled sheets and zebra print pillows. The latter are fluorescing in the glow of his tacky nightclub blacklight emitter. It's a cold night and I'm wearing borrowed clothes to keep warm. Including an extremely questionable jumper. Why? Because I didn't bring many clothes with me. Why? Because (deep breath) I was only supposed to be here for a week!!

My parents are holding me hostage. There is no decent food in the house. Worse, we no longer have cable. Nnnrgghh, the unbelievable horror. I must leave. I must escape. There must be a way! I have still have my passport and my ticket. There must be some way I can...

Oh that's just gross. I just got up to find out what the cats were squabbling over, and they've cornered a gecko. I hope it's dead, because they're fighting over it and tossing it around. Yuck yuck yuck.

I too feel cornered. I will find a way out. It's my only hope. I'll be back as soon as I can. I must sign off now, the danger of discovery is too great. Until next time, I remain your ever loving Kender.