Four Years Gone

and then one day you wake up and snap four years are gone just like that.

To Selena, who left without saying goodbye just to irritate me forever for having had the last word. Who was not perfect but precisely flawed and human: who was intelligent and kind and witty and sharp and big-hearted, and also sometimes irritable and whiny and loudmouthed and opinionated, but who had a good heart and was roundly loved by more people than she realised. Who was a greedy spoiler whore and a messy eater.

You made some tough choices in your life, but you lived it your way and on your terms, and refused to take less than what you were worth. I admire that.

I’m still angry at you for leaving the way you did. And I also envy you, that you don’t have to put up with the painful tedium of this often dismal world. But I try not to be.

I remember the weight of your hand on my arm.

I remember that awful braying hysterical dying hyena laugh that often left you in tears. I have never heard anything like it.

Here’s to you, hon. I hope your houris are phenomenal.