My dating profile

[i_kender]

I've decided to try dating again, after a long break. What do you think of my profile?

Hi :) I used to work in University administration but I’ve given that up now and I’m trying to make a living writing fiction, we’ll see how that goes. So I’m either British or International depending on how I’m feeling that day - I grew up abroad and moved here when I was 16. This means my accent is mid-Atlantic. But I don’t believe in countries and boundaries, just people. I went to university in Brighton and my heart still aches for the sea.

I’m a liberal and a leftie and totally a hedonist and a geek. I don’t fit easily into any boxes and I have tried - so clearly I am not a cat ;) I’m not yet tired of learning new things, meeting new people, or acting on a whim and going on adventures. I’d say I was an introvert who enjoys socialising immensely (INsomethingsomething) as long as I can be alone sometimes to recover (shhh I’m watching Netflix now)...

I’m hilarious and gregarious and also all heart, an enigma wrapped in a mystery, sprinkled with glitter, and dipped in chocolate (mmm chocolate)... a warm roaring fireball of enthusiasm and creativity, bright and witty and honest and charismatic, thoughtful but also someone who finds the laughter in everything. Easy to like, great smile, smouldering eyes, sexy voice, and a great friend. Great legs ;) tall dark handsome... wait who were we talking about again? I’m very serious about a lot of things... but most importantly about having FUN and not being at all solemn.

I’m very non-judgemental and easy-going. I can’t stand racism, sexism, fascism, classism, any other -isms, and bullies. Kindness is a massively underrated virtue. I believe in the kindness of strangers. Also I’m a dreamer and a romantic and a writer and an artist and full of hope. So I run into invisible walls and smack my head on reality all the time ;) The universe and I are totally still friends though.

I have acted on stage (fun), read my poetry to a room full of people (terrifying), spoken at weddings and funerals (weird), been to Glastonbury, Mount Etna, the Tree of Life, a dusty motel room in Houston, and Mecca, and otherwise travelled widely, which I love and would like to do more of post-covid. I have two degrees and can speak four languages, three of them badly - I write poetry and short stories but want to write novels, like cats, but also dogs and all animals, and like kids too. I do want children of my own someday. I have a cat called Leon. He’s pretty but dumb :) and yes, you can play with him.

Coffee and cheese are both very important to me. I’m an okay cook. I like snogging and hot make-outs and cuddling. I’m a great big spoon and in-bed hot water bottle. I’m a night owl and not at my best first thing in the morning, hence the coffee. I like dancing. I like being the last person to leave the party even though I know nothing good usually happens after 2 am ;)

I know a little bit about a lot of things but specialise in movie trivia and comic book characters (go figure). I totally have a plan in case the zombie apocalypse ever happens. I love books and movies and boardgames, computer games, roleplaying games (D&D) and geekery and comics and popular culture and grammar and drinking and dancing - “and lists” - and I have a lot of hobbies but I am not at all into sports. I’m ‘that guy’ who looks up all the cool new stuff coming out, watches it first, and then enthusiastically recommends it to everyone else (But no spoilers. Never spoilers.) If you tell me what you’re into, I can recommend something you might like – tv, books, whatever.

I’m a feminist and looking for an independent equal. I’m used to monogamy but I’m open to polyamory as long as it’s open and ethical - no lies/no cheating/no mind games please. What am I looking for? Ideally someone who will make a great life partner. But I realise it’s a journey and it has to be the right match. I want to find out by meeting some lovely people, and having interesting conversations, and making new friends, and ending up on some weird random dates in places I never would have picked myself that will make for a great story later...

I prefer my women to be, in no particular order: intelligent, opinionated, independent, alive, funny, kind, honest, warm. We don’t have to share all the same hobbies as long as you don’t try and force change me and vice versa. I’d much rather we learn new things from each other. Surprise me. Share your world. I’ll share mine. I talk a lot but I prefer listening, I don’t really like small talk or arguments (but debates are encouraged!). Mostly I’d love it if you are passionate about your opinions and what you love! I could listen to someone talking about something they love all day.

I love thunderstorms, long walks, going to the cinema, and swimming. I hate hot weather (but enjoy being outdoors... I just overheat easily), bullies, Tories, cruelty, and small talk. Also: boredom is the enemy. Aaand I’ve wittered on for way too long.

Look: you’ll know as soon as you see my photo whether you fancy me or not, right? And vice versa. That’s just the way that people work :) If you did, and you took the time to check out all these words, and you read some things that you maybe liked? Then drop me a message and we can flirtext or meet on Zoom, and maybe even meet up for a coffee/wine/cocktail/socially distanced long quiet walk. If there’s a spark, then we can take it from there :) ...and if there isn’t then that’s cool too, and maybe we’ve each made a new friend instead. It’s all good :)

Yes, I’d totally like to buy you a drink.

Yes! You should definitely text me.

Yes yes yes

Ps. #notarobot

 

Comments

[buddleia]

(References available on request)

[i_kender]

I heart this comment

[ravurian]

M, are you (omg) heterosexual??? LOLZ.

I like this. Do you want suggested edits or assurance that this is fine?

[i_kender]

It's shocking but true, I know.

Why don't you tell me how great it is, and then make suggestions for edits? LOL

[ravurian]

I mean, surely 'I like this' is glowing from a British point of view? LOL.

If you're serious about the edits, your current first paragraph is you trying to trick yourself into beginning, I think. You don't need it. You've done a pretty great job of selling yourself here and you can do away with the throat-clearing.

For the rest of it, I think the 'I am not a cat' is a reference that will date (aha) quickly, so you could lose that; your warmth and humour comes through regardless. I'd consider whether any of the stuff in brackets is necessary - I think you needed to write these asides as a sort of pressure-valve to relieve the anxiety of talking about yourself in positive terms, but I'm not sure we need them in order to get a sense of who you are. I like who you are, and it comes through really well.

Don't violate Leon's agency! If he feels like playing with whomever gets to be 'you', that'll be up to him.

I'd definitely reconsider 'I prefer my women to be'. Maybe soften it to something that doesn't ring with echoes of misogynists past? 'You'll hopefully be'. I'm not necessarily a fan of including 'alive' in there, because, well, hopefully none of your previous partners got fridged, but let's not introduce the possibility.

I'd take out the sentence about wittering. This isn't wittering. This is a considered pitch by a writer.

The paragraph that begins with 'Look:' I think you could strip back. You've no need to be worried about your looks, and no need to introduce the idea that you might be. You could say something like:

"If you took the time to read this, and if you read some things that you maybe liked, drop me a line. It would be great to hear from you. Maybe we can chat by text or meet on Zoom, and if we get on maybe even meet up for a coffee/wine/cocktail/socially distanced long quiet walk. Maybe we’ll each make a new friend, but perhaps we'll find there's something more."

Otherwise I reckon this is pretty gold, apart from the bit where you put snogging immediately after cheese. It's not just that I'm lactose intolerant that had me blanching at that...

Seriously, I reckon this is very good.

[i_kender]

Thank you for the comments, and I'll even take most of your suggestions (I like parentheses) and you my friend would make for a fine editor.